


Last snow with flower in his hand

by MorningShootingStar



Series: Angst because I love it [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Boys Kissing, Emotional Roller Coaster, F/M, First Kiss, Heathers References, How Do I Tag, M/M, Marriage Proposal, My First Work in This Fandom, Pain, Tears, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:40:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27929152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MorningShootingStar/pseuds/MorningShootingStar
Summary: Chikara sees this year's first snow through the window. He decides to feel it on his skin at the same time so many memories and emotions are flying through his head and heart. A little smile, cold wind, and flower in the lungs are his only company when he thinks about that one boy. His first love...at the same time last love.
Relationships: Ennoshita Chikara/Tanaka Ryuunosuke, Shimizu Kiyoko/Tanaka Ryuunosuke
Series: Angst because I love it [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2045107
Kudos: 28





	Last snow with flower in his hand

**Author's Note:**

> So it's my first work here and well English is not my first language but I hope you will like it :3 I recommend listening to Heather by Conan Gray or I love you by Billie Eilish, both in slowed version, well that's it once again I hope you will like it.

It was December and at the same time his second-year winter. But instead at school, he was here. In a white room with a bed, table, and some machines around him. Ennoshita looked out of the window. “Snow” he whispered while carefully standing and going to the balcony to see it more clearly. When he opened it a cold wind blew into his face making him shiver. He smiled a little. It reminded him of the day when he confessed to him. It was snowing and it was a really cold day. But now and at that time his chest felt so warm and heavy. His body shivering from emotions and low temperature. Like before he wanted to scream, and scream every single thought, everything that was in his heart until he couldn’t breathe anymore. It never happened, his voice got stuck in his throat and he ran away, cursing at himself for being such a coward. He ran until his lungs were empty, lips dry, and head spinning. But this time he felt pain and that weak feeling which was growing. He knew what was happening and again he smiled.  
“It started huh?” he said sitting on the balcony, putting his back against the glass door leading into his small hospital room. His cough got worse, more blood escaped his mouth, again. He didn’t mind…At all. 

Why would you ever kiss me? 

A memory of their first kiss flew by his head. It was spring after they hung out together. Ennoshita knew Tanaka’s feelings for Kiyoko but he still held hope by that day so he went with the flow. The mood was great, the timing and their hearts too or he hoped so. His lips were so soft and at the same gentle like a cool summer morning. Nothing better… but soon as he looked at Tanaka’s face he knew. The feeling wasn’t mutual at all. Many apologies were made that day and a week of silence. Not knowing what to do with his. Ennoshita looked up to the sky. Heavy clouds started gathering without any hope for sun.  
I’m not even half as pretty.  
He always knew that Kiyoko was truly a beauty and he would never argue with that. But he wanted to be called beautiful even if it was a joke but Tanaka always saw him as a cool guy, a friend nothing more nothing less. If Ennoshita would ever try counting how many times he was talking about Kiyoko’s beauty around him… He would rather count stars in the night sky. But he loved how his eyes always sparkled when he was talking about her. Another sharp pain went through his chest making him cough more petals and more blood. “Soon” he laughed and clenched his fist against his shirt. “Just a little more”

You gave her your sweater, it’s just polyester

Not long after they started dating, Kiyoko was seen more and more wearing some of his jackets then shirts and sweaters. He remembered how proud Tanaka was at moments like that. He loved and still loves showing that this goddess is now his. Ennoshita loved a little blush on his cheeks that one time when Tanaka wore his sweater. It was only because it was a freezing day. But he looked so cute to Ennoshita, at that time he wished that he could see him like that more but it was impossible. Not here not now, not when he was so blindly in love with Shimizu. He started coughing again, he felt like his lungs were slowly taking his breath away from him. This pain was nothing more than the sign that in the end, his love was still there and never disappeared. 

But you liked her better

He always knew that he lost at the very beginning. He lost when Tanaka decided to call him Chikara. His name, that he only wanted to be called by somebody special to him that’s why he allowed that. Then this breathtaking disease came into Ennoshita’s life. Signing his death at the first time he coughed petals. A hanahaki disease. A real one not from a book or some kind of stories told by girls at school as some urban legend. He was aware of what he should do but was he ready? Even if he would tell him about it wouldn’t make any difference, would it? But he decided to keep it. He loved him, and he would never get rid of his feelings. Pain, tears, love, hate, like everything he felt for Tanaka and for him only. He knew that it would end up like that. Him in hospital slowly dying from a flower in his lungs and full of love…Unrequited love. He didn’t mind, he didn’t regret anything. Maybe not seeing Tanaka for the last time but he knew about his plans. Today he wanted to propose to Kiyoko. Ennoshita wished him the best of luck while holding tears and scream. But he couldn’t do anything, only watch him as he’s making his future with a beautiful wife, always supporting him. 

Wish I were Kiyoko…

If he only could tell him how much he loved him, his worlds, his smile, his voice, his everything. But he knew he couldn’t. Many times he wished that if maybe he would be a woman everything would be easier, not that complicated. As always he laughed at this thought but now a small tear rolled down his cheek. Next were quick to follow their way down. Cold wind once again blew into his smiling face. At this moment Ennoshita’s mind was full of Tanaka. How he called him “Chikara” while turning to him with this smile brighter than anything in this world. Always energetic and honest. How he argued with him about stupid, weird things, how he one time came to him crying because he saw Kiyoko with another guy, how he hugged him that one…last time.

“So at the end, your life is really flashing back” he whispered to slowly falling snow on his hand. He felt his heart slowing down, he could feel every last beat in his chest. Lungs closing trying to get rid of the beautiful parasite. Snow started gathering on his body making him colder but he loved that feeling. After burning love, he felt peace. When he looked once again at his hand he noticed a flower. A sweet pea… a goodbye and thank you for a lovely time. Last flower with last words on his lips.  
“I’m here…Ryuu, I will always be here, I love you,” he said with his last breath hotter than a first summer day, smile as big as his love. He finally could say it. Even if it was a tiny whisper. As always he had no regrets if God was willing to give him another chance to live he would take it. But he wouldn’t change anything. Tanaka was happy like that and that was everything that mattered. His happiness and smile, nothing more. He could die for him countless times, suffer for him many days. He would do anything for him.

**Author's Note:**

> Oh God, thank you sooo much for reading. I kind of cried while writing it. Please comment on your thoughts, I will be happy to read them and have a great day ＼(￣▽￣)／


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